


and i know we're not in love but we'd fool this old town

by Lolande



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Elias gets brain fucky, F/F, M/M, Not so bad, Original Statement (The Magnus Archives), Screenplay/Script Format, also, also this is my first work, and i mean, because god damn martin just say it, been writing for a while and this was kicking around in my head while i was listening to TMA, but - Freeform, i've actually been to the cave in the story, not saying there's a twist, not worth six dollars tho, or what mya goes through, ps. read to the end, right after, spoilers up to Season 3 finale, super indulgent martin loves jon talk, takes place right after, there's a TWIST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24951673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolande/pseuds/Lolande
Summary: The Archivist interviews Mya Greer about her trip to Put In Bay with her wife, and the events that occurred deep inside Heineman’s Winery and Crystal Cave on Put In Bay, Ohio.//Elias Bouchard convinces the Archivist to live.
Relationships: (a little bit) - Relationship, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, original female - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	and i know we're not in love but we'd fool this old town

[CLICK] 

####  **MYA**

Oh, wow. You really still use tape recorders? In 2018?

####  **ARCHIVIST**

Uh -  _ [cough] _ yes, sorry ma’am. It’s a bit weird, but -  _ [attempting levity]  _ that’s kind of why you’re here, no?

####  **MYA**

Huh? Whaddya mean.

####  **ARCHIVIST**

For, for weird things. I mean. To tell us, _ [clears throat] _ weird things.

####  **MYA**

Sure.

####  **ARCHIVIST**

Yes, our… boss, is very particular about our recording methods.

####  **MYA**

Well, hey, it’s okay. Not really a problem. As long as you’re doing your job, I guess. I just… I wanna get this off my chest. I’ve done everything I can to… remove myself from that day. This is the last thing my therapist said to do.

####  **ARCHIVIST**

Oh, well, congrats. I’m glad we could help with your recovery, even if it’s in a, ah… You really came all the way from America to have us record you? 

####  **MYA**

My wife works at Hopkins, uh, the airport, so the ticket prices are low. She told me that if it’s gonna make me feel better, I should do it.

So you wanna get along with it?

####  **ARCHIVIST**

Oh, ah, yes. Um… 

[PAPERS RUSTLE]

Oh! Here it is. 

Statement of… oh, I never asked your name, I’m-

**MYA**

Mya Greer. Uh, about my trip to Put In Bay. And a… a tour of the Crystal Cave.

####  **ARCHIVIST**

Right.

Statement of Mya Greer, regarding a trip to the Heineman’s Winery and Crystal Cave on Put In Bay Island, Ohio.  Statement taken direct from subject, September 2nd, 2018.

Statement begins.

**MYA**

So I start now? Okay. 

Uh... Aren’t you gonna ask me any questions?

####  **ARCHIVIST**

_ [Clears throat] _ Oh, uh. Sure, I could. Let’s start at the beginning of it all. You were on vacation on an island? 

[STATIC RISING]

_ [Seriously]  _ What did you do there?

[STATIC FADES]

**MYA**

Well, mostly, we spent money. And vacation is, charitable.  _ [Descending tone]  _ It was one day, on the first sunday of June. The fifth. The fifth of June. Ellie had just gotten a raise at the airport, and I wanted to celebrate. I’ve always been a bit on the cheaper side, so a big blow out like this took a lot of scraping together. And Ellie knew it, bless her soul, she tried to enjoy herself. She just, isn’t a fan of the heat, and I should have remembered that. I shouldn’t have bought those tickets at all. 

Blah, it’s bad to talk like that. It could have happened to anybody. And I’m just glad it… didn’t happen to me. There’s no guilt left in me for them.

Ellie and I, we had a lot of friends in Cleveland. Mostly nightlife friends who’d come with us to bars or those open poetry nights Ellie loved. I was a bit of a shut-in in college, so most of our friends were  _ her  _ friends. Except for... Bailey and Simone. I’d met them back in high school, and they had shipped out to BW the same year as me. I didn’t really talk to them back then, but our parents had us carpool together up there in Bailey’s car, and from then on we were fast friends. When I met Ellie, they were quick to become friends with her too. It was nice, especially after we graduated and got jobs, the whole 9 yards. Bailey and Simone got married the same year we did. We were… Ellie would hate it when I said this, but I used to say they were our gay friends. And we’d see them often. Often enough, that I...  _ [bitterly, with conviction] _ I remember their faces. 

When I planned this trip to Put in Bay, I decided to invite them. On a whim. Maybe it was because  _ I _ was planning it, they were my friends… It would be a fun day. Maybe go to a bar or two, pay too much for a shitty pizza and get back on the boat by ten thirty. But Simone… he always wanted a more structured plan. When we got off the boat, hair freshly ripped through by the Erie winds, Simone was already on his phone, telling us where we needed to go first. 

I thought it was okay, at the time. It’d be fun, and I didn’t mind. Neither did Ellie or Bailey, so we pooled our cash and rented out a golf cart with something inane spray-painted on the front and started driving. I was in the back with Ellie, and we took in the island scenery as Bailey grappled with Put in Bay traffic laws. Honestly, it was beautiful. Not many people were there, but there was enough so you didn’t feel alone. That was the last good emotion I had that day.

[PAUSE]

I know, that Bailey was following the map. I know, that  Heineman’s Winery and Crystal Cave was where we discussed going first. I had never heard of it, but I trusted Simone with the plans. I guess I just didn’t pay enough attention to the roads we took to get there, or…  _ [exhale]  _ Every single time I’ve been there since, I can’t find it, and  _ nobody  _ knows what I’m talking about when I ask them.

[A SHAKY BREATH]

####  **ARCHIVIST**

Are you okay? We can…  _ [Pained grunt]  _ We can stop, if you like. 

**MYA**

I…

Yes, I want to stop. I don’t want to do this anymore. It’s not healthy to

[RISING STATIC]

relive this again. Thank, you for-

**ARCHIVIST**

No. You’ll be fine. Just-just tell me what you saw when you stepped out of the car.

[STATIC DISSIPATES]

**MYA**

_ [Pained]  _ It was. A golf cart.

_ [Exhale] _ I saw the building. It was marked with a normal sign, just.  _ [Mock excitement]  _ Crystal Cave! Largest geode in the world. Also wine! We stepped in, and it was, normal. A line of people down a hallway, presumably waiting to go into the mine, and a front desk. Also a gift shop to the right, with lots of quartz knick knacks in it. I keep trying to think back and remember if I recalled anything about the place that seemed out of… out of the ordinary. They had gas pumps outside, and a bench right next to the exit… Nothing. 

I remember it had just started to rain as we jumped in, and I was a bit bummed, as I was craving a cigarette. Ellie hated when I smoked, but my nerves were getting to me. I was deciding against it when we were greeted by a nice lady with the tattoos around her arms and a cute jumper on. We paid for our tickets, and then went to the wine bar to wait our turn. We had about fifteen minutes, she said, so I bought a bottle of too expensive wine for our table while everyone else was in the bathrooms. I knew they’d like it, and it was made from the vineyard outside, so it had to be good. And they did like it, when they came back. We talked about times we talked about before, and it wasn’t too soon before our number came up and we were pleasantly wine drunk. Well, they were. I never drink.

When we lined up against the wall to enter the cave, the people pouring out of it caught me a little off guard. Sure, they had to get the people out of there before a new group could enter, but I swear, none of the people in the line exiting the cave looked like the people in the line we saw entering it, not fifteen minutes ago. Maybe the cave was just larger than I expected, and they could have two groups at once. Maybe they had gotten the first one out faster than they expected? I wasn’t sure. I’m still not. This train of thought was interrupted by my wife, who tapped my shoulder.

Ellie was up against the wall, rubbing her knee. She said that the rain was making her leg ache. I was looking in my purse for a painkiller to give her before the guide walked up and gave us the pre-tour spiel. When he mentioned that we’d have to step down 41 unrailed stone steps with nothing but sharp crystal to catch us at the end of the staircase, my wife stepped out of line. I gave her my purse, the man took her to the front desk, and promptly gave her a refund. 

This left me at the front of the line, in front of Bailey and Simone. The hallway we were in was perpendicular to the entrance to the mine, which was just a hole in the wall. I could have looked down there. But some small part of me didn’t want to ruin the surprise I’d paid six dollars for. But it wasn’t too long before I was granted a look down those long, winding stairs. 

The chipper tattooed girl from the front desk came to the front of our line as I blew a goodbye kiss to Ellie, who I’d promised to take pictures for. She unknowingly gave us the same speech the other man had, and then unclipped the small metal line that was holding the line back. ‘I’ll go first’, she said. Then looked down the line to do a second count up. She joked with me, asking which ones I thought would make it. I chuckled, and just like that, we were staring down 41 rough concrete steps into a mine.

The walk down was slow, and methodical. I had the greatest view of anyone, but the tour guide had told us not to take pictures on the steps, as we may hold up the line or even worse, slip and roll down the stairs. So I told myself I’d do it on the way back up, for Ellie. I remember thinking that the ceiling was… pretty. And it was. Slowly, turning from cement to uncut, crystal and rock, slowly glistening in the light from the open door above us… Soon, the only thing that was keeping us connected to the outside world was the staircase. We were encased in that crystal and rock, poking in from all sides. The girl told us not to touch them, as they were quite sharp, and the oil from our hands would stain them yellow. I could see that some of the prominent crystals had been stained a deep, dark yellow. 

Soon, the muted sunlight from the staircase above us had pittered out. We were in a shuffling darkness for a few seconds before the tour guide stopped, and turned on her flashlight. There was a chorus of excitement from the children behind us as the flashlight’s beam refracted a million tiny ways into the crystals. It was, beautiful. But I was glad to have Simone and Bailey with us, as it was… a bit eerie, to say the least. The walls seemed to get closer and closer as the tour guide said we were nearing the bottom of the cave. It.. felt like more than 41 steps. I was glad Ellie stayed up on the surface. 

That was when I accidentally bumped into the tattooed woman, who was turning around to tell us that we had made it. She had to duck to get into the Geode, and as I was considerably taller than her, so I had to scrape my knees on the rough rocks to climb in. 

This is when I first wanted to go back. I swear, when I shuffled through that hole, it only got tighter as we progressed. I kept telling myself that it wouldn’t be so bad, we had gotten a warning about the steps, so they would tell us about a hole tight enough that you had to squeeze through it, right? I’m a big girl, so I was just chalking it up to that as the rocks squeezed against my ribcage. The first time I breathed in and I felt the rock stop me from exhaling… that’s when I tried to get out. I could see the tour guide’s shoes disappearing from my sight as I panicked, pushing out as hard as I could, but I just… couldn’t free myself. Simone, behind me, started pushing on my shoes. I thought of the twenty odd people stuck behind me and almost cried. I had to push on.

So I did, for almost 10 straight minutes, the rock walls contracting around me and bending my body in painful curves. Crystals digging into my flesh, slowly turning yellow, then brown, then red. Ellie, was the only thing I kept in my mind. Throughout the whole time, I just… I wanted to get back to her. It was like that until a hand shot out of the tunnel I was staring down and grabbed mine. It tugged on me with this massive force, I thought my arm was going to tear clean. But instead, I fell into open air, for a good few seconds before I met the ground. The tattooed woman was still holding my arm. It was filthy. And it wasn’t just my arm, my whole body was cut and bruised and covered in dirt. Not to mention my clothes, ripped to shreds. As my eyes adjusted to the light of the flash light, I saw that the tour guide was completely clean. I let out a choked sob when I saw the four people behind her. They were even worse off than me. 

Simone and Bailey, covered in filth and cuts, were huddled together in the corner. Two others, a man and a woman in a similar state were in the other corner of this crystal room. As the beam from the flashlight cut across them, the crystals caught the light and illuminated the face of the man, cowering in the corner, crying and moaning. I could hear him, his sound echoing through the room.  _ [Pained]  _ Jacob. That’s all he would say, over, and over again, until...

This, groaning, crunching  _ [disgusted] _ wet noise. I looked up at the woman in the center. She was standing perfectly still and staring at the hole I had just… exited from. The hole was… it was moving. She said… She said this.

‘Watch as the crystals ripple with ecstasy, the rock rock gorges itself on those who are not worthy.” The crunching grew to an almost unbearable volume as she turned around and she stomped on the crying man’s head. He went silent immediately. ‘Even if you made it through,’ she growled. ‘I am the ultimate decider of your worth.’ She returned to the center of the crystal room, leaving bloody marks on the crystals as the tunnel started… chewing again. Then… she gave her speech. As she spoke, dirt poured from her mouth. All the while, the wet, crunch of humans being crushed underlying each word. 

_ [Fake enthusiasm]  _ ‘We are sitting inside the Crystal Cave, which is the world's largest celestite geode. It was discovered in 1897 when workers for the  Heineman’s Winery were drilling for a well. We are presently about 35 feet below the surface of the island. It is composed with strontium sulfite celestite crystal, it is about twelve to fifteen thousand years old. And the crystals in here have a natural, pale blue color to them. It came to be in the most recent ice age, known as the Pleistocene Iceage. It took the correct amount of temperature and pressure variance to interact with the strontium sulfite to bring these crystals to how they are now. This crystal as a whole has very little value, because it’s very delicate and fragile to make any gemstones for jewelry with, because it will crumble and break. It does, however, burn an incredibly bright crimson red.’

_ [Shakily]  _ The noise stopped as soon as she stopped speaking. 

[SHAKY, SLOW BREATHING]

_ [Controlled]  _ When she turned her eyes to me, I couldn’t take it. I spun around as quick as I could, cutting myself on the crystals and curling up against the walls, staring into one of them. As the flashlight beam washed over me, it illuminated the crystal closest to my eye.

Everything else seemed to disappear as I saw what was inside the crystal. A small, intricate almost perfect pattern that spun into itself, deeper and deeper into the crystal. I… I lost myself in it. I needed to not be in that room anymore, and… 

My therapist said it was a defense mechanism. An unhealthy one, that I should stop doing. But I…

_ [Exhale]  _ I broke it off. I broke off the crystal and watched the pattern turn a deep red as I stained it’s sharp edges with my blood. I held it up to my eye as I…

[SOBBING]

[STATIC BURST]

**ARCHIVIST**

Keep. Going.

**MYA**

_ [Crying]  _ No. I-I don’t want to say it. 

**ARCHIVIST**

You will. What did you do?

[CRYING TURNS INTO SCREAMING]

[STATIC RAISES TO A HIGH PITCHED SQUEAL]

[ECHOING SCREAM]

**MYA**

_ [Sceaming]  _ No! Don’t look at me!

[CHAIR TOPPLING OVER]

[DOOR FLIES OPEN, SLAMS INTO WALL]

[STATIC CUTS TO NOTHING]

**BASIRA**

_ [Shocked]  _ Martin! What the fuck are you doing?

[CONTINUED SCREAMING AND CRYING]

**ARCHIVIST**

_ [Defensively]  _ Nothing! God, I just… I asked her to tell her story. She just… Collapsed.

**BASIRA**

Oh, sure, fuck off. C’mon, we need to get you out of here. Martin. Do not. Do this again.

**MYA**

_ [Moaning] _ Why? Why?

[SHUFFLING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[MUFFLED CRYING FADES]

[CLICK]

\----------------------------

[CLICK]

**ARCHIVIST**

Statement of… Mya Greer. Continued. Statement extracted from subject… September 2nd, 2021.

**ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)**

I held the crystal up to my eye as I crushed it. Blood poured from my hands onto the ground, and I pounced at our tour guide. I shoved the powder into her face as we collided with the crystal ground, rubbing it into her eyes. For all the fucked up things she did to us, she didn’t lie. The crystal does burn a bright crimson. 

I watched her face burn into nothing as the smoke filled up the room, and put my lighter back in my pocket. The hole we had entered the crystal room from was, just gone. And Simone and Bailey had their skulls crushed in, so did the other woman. I breathed in that smoke. And I felt.  _ [Exhaled, relaxed] _ It felt good. And I don’t like that. I wasn’t even phased when the door in the crystal opened. At this point, sure.

I stepped over the bodies of friends and strangers, and entered the hallway. Empty frames lined the walls, and I just kept walking for what… for what seemed like days, if I’m honest. I walked until the blood stopped pouring from my hands, until my clothes were clean again. Sometimes I could hear laughter. And it always felt like the walls were just. Too close.

When I finally found myself walking out of a stall in a bathroom, I broke down and cried. I found the exit, found Ellie waiting outside the entrance to the mine... She was waiting with two strangers, and I pulled her away from them. 

‘Oh, Mya, we didn’t see you come up! You’re so sneaky, I thought they left you in the mine.’ She… she laughed. And I almost felt myself melt. I pulled her into me, hugged her, felt her hair and just. Thanked God, or whoever saved me that I was alive. It took a lot to not cry in that moment.

Her breath smelled like grapes and lip gloss as she breathed against my chest. She asked me if I was okay, and I lied to her that ‘yes I was, now can we please go?’ She sounded all for it, and then told the two strangers that we should get out of here.

Look, I know Ellie can make friends quick. But when I asked her who they were under my breath, she laughed. ‘Simone and Bailey. Are you sure you’re okay?’ 

They were… not our friends. I had watched Simone and Bailey die, what felt like days ago. But I took it in stride as we walked out of there into the pissing rain… Until I saw the girl at the desk wave us a tattooed hand goodbye. She had what looked like a rash on her face, and she gave me a wink as we walked out.

The rest of that day is a blur. I remember pizza, I remember paying too much for a shirt for my wife, I remember our imposters of our friends cracking years old inside jokes off like nothing had happened… And I remember getting on the boat back home at 10:30, handing my driver’s license to the man behind the window… and not recognizing the woman in the picture.

**ARCHIVIST**

[ _ Exhales]  _ Statement ends. That one wasn’t so bad, eh? As far as I can tell,  Heineman’s Winery and Crystal Cave did exist. There are even a few youtube videos about it. It’s quite beautiful. Nothing like Mya described, actually, but… the Buried can do that. Sounds like she had a run in with a familiar friend at the end there, glad to see Helen still isn’t digesting people...

[SHAKY BREATH]

Ever since… Jon and Tim died in the Unknowing, it’s been getting easier to use these powers. I never wanted to be the Archivist, but… I think it’s too far to go back now. I just. I just miss him. [ _ Crying]  _ I needed, him, and he… I just got to sit here and burn papers while he exploded. Just distract Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias Elias

[THE LOUD TICKING OF A CLOCK]

**ELIAS**

Hello, Archivist. I hope you’re feeling alright. Well, really, what’s the point in hoping when I  _ know.  _ You’re in excruciating pain right now. Your skin has been burned to a crisp, your nerve endings are gone, and that little suit you always wear has melted into your skin. The doctors are currently cutting it off of you, but you’ll find parts of it in you for months to come.

That is, if you decide to live. That’s why I’ve come to you today.

[SQUEAL OF A MOVING CHAIR]

Oh, that really is cute, Jon. Even when you’re unconscious you see everything as a statement, in audio format. Come now. We can do better than that. I’ll try it again. 

Elias peers over Jon’s burnt and ripped body as he pulls the bedside chair underneath him again. It squeals as the metal slides across the tile. He sits, and he crosses his legs, folding his hands over his chest. His foot bobs up and down as he looks at the disposed Archivist.

“There, that’s better, isn’t it?” The Archivist can’t respond, but he can hear Elias perfectly fine. Of course he’s listening. It’d be a travesty if he missed out on some key information. Somewhere else, somewhere far away from here, a nurse slides the blanket from Jon’s body. The Archivist starts to shiver.

“The statement that I put in your head, the one of Mya Greer. It is not a dream. It isn’t the truth, either. It is a… hypothetical truth. A half existence. Everything in that statement will come true, in a matter of years. That is, if you decide to die.”

Elias scoots closer to the Archivist’s bed, staring down at him with all of his eyes. “You can live through this. You know that. You are more than human. You just have to open the door, Archivist. Let the knowledge flood over you. It’s the only way you will live. It’s the only way Martin won’t become just like you. Just like Gertrude. Just like Leitner.”

Elias stands up, the chair sliding back from him as he straightens out his dress shirt. He checks his watch, and exhales, patting Jon on the side. 

“Now, I’ve got to go. I’ve a prison sentence to receive. Good job on that, by the way. I’m sure it’ll be worth it.” He walks to the door, slowly turning around as he turns the knob. “Don’t, make the wrong choice, Jon. Promise me that. It’s better this way.” He turns to leave, but turns back again, sighing. “If anything, do it for Martin.” He steps out, and the door closes behind him.

[CLICK]

\-----------------------

[CLICK] 

####  **MARTIN**

Good mornin’, Jon. Oh jeez... 

[CLOTH RUSTLING] 

They don’t even have the decency to cover you up. God, you must’ve been cold, huh? Well…  _ [Chuckles]  _ Must’ve been better than the heat of a C4 explosion! Ah, that’s-that’s not funny. Sorry.

_ [Trying to look on the bright side] _ I uh, got my mom moved out of the house today. She’s, yeah she’s not doing so well. I finally got her into a home… She hates it. But… I just can’t stand the way that she looks at me anymore. Elias…

_ [Strongly]  _ No. Fuck. Elias. He doesn’t get to be a part of this. This is between me and you.

[SOFT BEEPING] 

[A PAUSE]

_ [Sheepishly]  _ I sort of hope you can’t hear this. I’m sorry, if I use you as a way to talk about my feelings. Without Tim and Daisy, it’s just… Melanie’s not well, and Basira… She just lost Daisy. And that leaves you, and Elias. And he’s going to jail. Our new boss, Peter Lucas, is alright. He gave me a few weeks off. God knows we all needed it. I...

I really hope you make it out of this okay.  _ [Scoffing] _ I know, I know-it’s not likely that even if you make it through this that you’ll make it through the next ritual or, something - I just want… 

I need for you to be okay. I know, it sounds shitty for me to say that right after… Tim, and… S-Sasha… but it’s true. I need you. Don’t die. Don’t, don’t do that to me.

[SOFT BEEPING INCREASES]

I remember when I was telling you why I couldn’t leave, and you… you thought I was a ghost.  _ [Soft chuckle] _ I lied. I wrote those resignation letters, and I… I just couldn’t turn them in. Not if it meant leaving you here alone. I can’t leave until you’re safe, or… more likely, both of us are dead. 

[SIGH]

But the doctors said you’re getting better. I… I have hope. 

[DEEP INTAKE OF BREATH]

I-

[DOOR SWINGS OPEN]

**NURSE**

_ [Business-like]  _ Mr. Blackwood, we need you to leave the room, we’re sorry, but we need to prepare him for operation. We’ll have someone contact you when we’re done, but for now you can wait in the sitting room.

[STEPS FROM DOCTORS AND NURSES GATHERING AROUND]

####  **MARTIN**

Ah, um, yes ma’am, I’m sorry. Jon, I’ll be right-

[CLICK] 

**Author's Note:**

> the magnus archives is a podcast distributed by rusty quill. it is licenced under a creative commons non commercial share-alike 4.0 international licence  
> thanks for reading! the name of this came from a song by jon cozart, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8B80XV7Ndt8  
> i really liked the idea of messing around with the naming scheme, like how you're not sure who THE ARCHIVIST is until the end because it doesn't say exactly who it is  
> i wanted to do more of it  
> but maybe next time, if people who read it like it :?  
> idk  
> but this was fun. ps this is my first time writing fanfiction so... i might suck idk. thanks


End file.
